Let’s look at a scenario.
You’ve discovered through the painful process of experience — again, and again — that your attraction to “bad boys” puts you into relationships that just plain don’t work. One messy breakup after another has led you to the conclusion that “bad boys” are not a good idea.
So you resolve: “No more bad boys for me… I know the signs, I know the results, I am swearing them off… no more… period… that’s that.”
Then not more than a week later your path leads you into the vicinity of a “bad boy” and you find yourself attracted.
Stop. Before you fall into the downward spiral of self-hatred for being such a weak, dish-rag of a lump that forgets her (or his) resolution just five days later…. Stop. Let’s look at this a moment.
Instead of taking this attraction to said bad boy as an indication of your miserable condition, you could re-origin this interaction. Turn it into a trail marker.
What if, there is a you, a you that is not the same as the body, a you that is working in cooperation with the mind, body, and emotions to navigate this life as a team. You could call this other you anything you like. Call it, your higher self, your soul, your being, the other you, or Fluffy the Bunny. It doesn’t matter. The you that is reading this will never see this other you. All you can see of this other you is traces of its passage — like a trail left by a particle through a cloud chamber, or a child making their way from the front door to the refrigerator then to their bedroom. You might not see the child, but you can see the trail of coat, book-bag, shoes, empty milk carton, cookie crumbs, and perhaps a sock or two.
This other you is not physical in the same way that you are physical. Signs are there. But, a flip picture uploaded to facebook will never happen. So, what you call this “other you” is up to you.
For the purposes of this blog, let’s call this other you your “being.” I like the name “being” because if there is anything I am sure of concerning the nature of this other me is “it knows how to be”. It has presence and can “is” like a mutha f-er.
So back to this other you, the being, that is working in cooperation with you. What if the being has a message for you, a message as simple as: “Don’t go that way.” It can’t send a telegram — I least I haven’t had a young kid in a pill box hat show up on my doorstep singing a little tune: “Mmmmmmm… Don’t go that way, it’s not in our best interests as a team for you to go that way. Please go some direction other than there….” Yes, this has never happened — and it doesn’t rhyme.
So if you don’t get singing telegrams either, how is the being going to send you a message? What if… this other you, the being, conspires to use “bad boy attraction” as a trail marker. That’s right. Instead of your attraction serving as a reminder that you are emotionally screwed up. Maybe, it is just a simple trail marker suggesting: “Don’t go that way.”
Let’s be clear. I am not suggesting that the being is sending you a message saying “Don’t get involved with bad boys.” Rather I am suggesting the being could be placing a trail marker by way of the whole bad boy thing to not go that way.
What is “that way”? Who knows. It’s your life, your passage, your work, your covenant with creation. Think of it like a huge labyrinth with twists and turns. We might not even know what is at the end of the maze or what possible value walking the maze can have. However, we may be able to sense the maze (labyrinthine) nature of our passage. And maybe the being is just saying: “Don’t take that turn, it leads to a dead end.”
Whatever the message or the purpose, I am proposing that you re-origin the “bad boy” infatuations away from “god, what an idiot I am for still being attracted to those idiots after all of the bad experiences I’ve had” into “Oops, there’s a bad boy, better wake up look around and pay attention. This could be a trail marker.”
So now instead of this encounter becoming an excuse for self-recrimination it becomes you noticing a trail marker. A lose transformed into a win.
And so what if your other self, the being, is not actually sending you a message? I don’t think it would be a bad thing to wake up, look around, and pay attention. I also don’t think it would be a bad idea to view the encounter as a trail marker or road sign.