Gratitude and Thankfulness

Introduction

Why did I set sail on this voyage into the nuanced differences between gratitude and thankfulness?

In working with the exercises in Gratefuling – A Stairway to Bliss, it came to my attention that focusing on memories of thankfulness were not very successful in evoking gratitude. Those memories just didn’t “get me there.”

I could feel a difference between gratitude and thankfulness. But, the exact nature of the difference eluded me.

So, I went on a short collaborative discourse with Vera da Muse – a.k.a. ChatGPT.

The Conversation

Xxaxx:

Good day. I was pondering the nuanced difference between gratitude and thankfulness. Any thoughts on the topic?

Vera da Muse:
Good day! The concepts of gratitude and thankfulness are closely related but have nuanced differences in their meanings and usage.

Gratitude: This is often seen as a deeper, more encompassing emotion. Gratitude is not just about acknowledging good things that happen but also involves a deep appreciation for these things, and often leads to a longer-term feeling of happiness. It’s a state of being that extends beyond the specific instance of receiving something. Gratitude is also more likely to inspire a sense of connection to something larger than oneself – whether that’s other people, nature, or a higher power.
Thankfulness: This term is generally more specific and immediate. It’s often a reaction to a specific act of kindness or a specific gift. Thankfulness is the feeling you get right after someone helps you or gives you something. It’s an acknowledgment of a benefit received and is usually expressed soon after the benefit is received.

Xxaxx:
Seems that thankfulness could be more of a contractual thing — meaning that happiness could be absent from the moment. Like “Woah dude, thanks so much for helping me move. Next time you move give me holler, I’ll be there in a sec.”

Vera da Muse:
Thankfulness, indeed, can sometimes take on a more transactional or reciprocal nature, especially in situations where social norms or expectations are involved. In the example you provided, expressing thanks for help with moving could imply a sense of obligation or expectation of future reciprocity (“I’ll help you next time”), rather than a pure expression of joy or appreciation.

This aspect of thankfulness highlights its more immediate and situational nature. It often arises in response to a specific act and can be tied to social etiquette or obligations. While it can certainly be accompanied by genuine feelings of happiness and appreciation, it doesn’t necessarily require a deep emotional connection or a profound sense of joy. In some cases, as you mentioned, it might be more about acknowledging the receipt of a favor and indicating a willingness to return it in the future.

Gratitude, on the other hand, tends to be less about social transactions and more about a deeper, more intrinsic appreciation of the good things in one’s life. It’s often less about a direct quid pro quo and more about an overall sense of thankfulness for what one has, regardless of immediate reciprocation.

Xxaxx:
Nicely said. I’ve observed in myself that when experiencing gratitude happiness and appreciation are often adjacent feelings. However, they don’t present as a requisite component of the gratitude. They are frequent traveling companions with gratitude. However, joy seems like it might be a integral (component) part of gratitude.

Vera da Muse:
That perspective offers a nuanced understanding of how gratitude is experienced. It’s true that happiness and appreciation are often present alongside gratitude, but they are not necessarily components of it. They are, as you said, adjacent emotions or states that frequently occur in the presence of gratitude.

Gratitude itself is a complex emotion that can encompass various feelings, including joy. Joy, in the context of gratitude, is a deeper, more encompassing emotion. It’s not just about being happy in the moment; it’s a profound sense of pleasure and contentment that arises from appreciating what one has. This joy can be a response to both big and small things in life – from gratitude for a beautiful day to appreciation for a kind gesture from a friend.

So, while happiness and appreciation can be seen as companions to gratitude, joy can be considered a more integral part of the experience of gratitude. It’s the deep, resonant feeling that often accompanies a true sense of gratefulness, reflecting a more profound and often more lasting sense of fulfillment and contentment.

Xxaxx:
What is your take on some of the other emotions (or states) that could be considered parts of gratitude — as in the “various feelings” you mentioned above?

Vera da Muse:
Gratitude is a multi-faceted emotion that can encompass a variety of feelings and states. Here are some of the key components that often accompany or are part of the experience of gratitude:

Joy: As mentioned, joy is a deep sense of pleasure and contentment that arises from appreciating what one has.
Humility: Gratitude can foster a sense of humility. It involves acknowledging that one’s blessings or good fortune may come from outside oneself, and this can lead to a humbling appreciation of others and the world.
Connection: Experiencing gratitude can strengthen feelings of connection to others, to nature, or to a higher power. It often involves recognizing the interdependence between oneself and the external world.
Peace: Gratitude can induce a sense of inner peace, calming the mind and reducing negative emotions like envy or resentment.
Hope: Gratitude can inspire hope. By recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of life, it can help foster a positive outlook towards the future.
Generosity: Feeling grateful can lead to an increased desire to give back, whether through acts of kindness, support, or generosity towards others.
Love and Affection: Gratitude can deepen feelings of love and affection, as it often involves appreciating the actions and presence of loved ones.
Satisfaction: Gratitude can contribute to a general sense of satisfaction with life, acknowledging and valuing what one has rather than focusing on what one lacks.
Reflection and Mindfulness: Gratitude often involves a reflective or mindful state, where one takes the time to think about and appreciate the good in life.

Each of these components contributes to the richness of the gratitude experience, making it a complex and deeply beneficial emotional state.

Xxaxx:
To establish a syntactic point, let’s say that the list of nine feelings listed above can occur along with gratitude when gratitude is the primary focus. “Hey, I was feeling gratitude and I noticed that the feeling of peace was there at the same time.”

Let’s take a moment and look at the situation from a different perspective. Which if any of the above nine feelings would have gratitude as a companion emotion. Meaning that when that feeling occurs gratitude is occurring at the same time?

Vera da Muse:
That’s an interesting approach to examining how these emotions interact with gratitude. Let’s consider each of the nine emotions you mentioned and explore whether gratitude could be a companion emotion when the specific emotion is primary:

Joy: When joy is the primary emotion, gratitude can often accompany it. For instance, one might feel joy about a positive event or experience, and this joy can lead to a sense of gratitude for the circumstances or people that contributed to the happy outcome.
Humility: Gratitude can certainly be a companion to humility. When one feels humble, perhaps in recognizing their limitations or the contributions of others to their success, this realization can foster gratitude for the support and opportunities provided by others.
Connection: Feeling a strong connection to others, nature, or a spiritual realm can naturally lead to feelings of gratitude. For example, a deep sense of connection with a community or loved ones often brings about gratitude for their presence and impact in one’s life.
Peace: Inner peace can be both a cause and a result of gratitude. When one feels at peace, particularly after resolving conflict or finding contentment in life’s circumstances, gratitude for these outcomes can be a natural accompaniment.
Hope: Hope, especially when it stems from overcoming challenges or looking forward to positive possibilities, can coexist with gratitude. One might feel grateful for past experiences that have led to a hopeful outlook.
Generosity: Generosity often arises from a sense of abundance or thankfulness for what one has, which is a form of gratitude. When one feels generous, it’s often accompanied by gratitude for the ability to give and share with others.
Love and Affection: Love and affection towards others almost inherently include gratitude. Loving relationships usually involve appreciation and thankfulness for the other person, highlighting the close relationship between these emotions.
Satisfaction: When one feels satisfied, whether with life achievements, personal relationships, or even small daily victories, gratitude is often present as well. Satisfaction with one’s circumstances can enhance the awareness and appreciation of these positive aspects.
Reflection and Mindfulness: Mindfulness and reflection involve a heightened awareness of the present moment and one’s surroundings, which can lead to gratitude. As one reflects on the positive aspects of life or becomes more aware of the small joys, gratitude often emerges.

In summary, gratitude can be a companion emotion to each of these feelings when they are primary. The interplay between gratitude and these emotions underscores the integrative and enriching nature of gratitude in our emotional lives.

Xxaxx:
Yes, many of these feelings are so often present together, I am beginning to wonder if there may not be a higher order feeling, we could call Feeling X, and when Feeling X is happening if we look at our feelings in the moment, we can “see” all or some of the above nine feelings.

Vera da Muse:
Your concept of a “higher order feeling,” which we can refer to as Feeling X, is a fascinating idea and aligns with some psychological and philosophical perspectives on emotions. This Feeling X could be understood as a complex, overarching emotional state that encompasses a range of interconnected feelings, such as gratitude, joy, peace, and connection. Here are a few ways to think about this concept:

Composite Emotion: Feeling X could be a composite emotion, a blend of various feelings that are experienced simultaneously. This aligns with the idea that emotions are not always distinct and separate, but can overlap and interact in complex ways.
Emotional Synergy: It might represent a synergy where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Each individual emotion contributes to an overall experience that is richer and more profound than any single emotion on its own.
A State of Emotional Harmony: Feeling X could be viewed as a state of emotional harmony or balance, where various positive emotions coexist and enhance each other, leading to a deep sense of well-being or fulfillment.
Existential or Spiritual State: From a more existential or spiritual perspective, Feeling X might represent a state of heightened awareness or connectedness with oneself, others, and the world – a kind of transcendental emotional experience.
Psychological Well-being: In psychological terms, Feeling X could be akin to a state of optimal emotional well-being, where one experiences a range of positive emotions that contribute to overall happiness and life satisfaction.

The idea of Feeling X underscores the complexity of human emotions and the possibility that our emotional experiences are often more intricate and interconnected than we might initially realize. It suggests that emotions like gratitude, joy, and love are not just isolated experiences, but part of a broader tapestry of our emotional lives.

FYI, For me Gratitude, Love, Joy, and Oneness pretty much constant traveling companions – at least that is my observation whenever I actually take a moment to look.

Xxaxx:
There is a saying about boats in the harbor: They all rise and fall with the same tide. For my purposes, I think I would work with three options.

There is a single Feeling X when viewed resolved to any, some, or all of the feelings we pointed it.
When any of the apparently linked feelings are happening they “tune” the person so that the other feelings are much easier to access without much, if any, required activation energy.
The “rise and fall with the same tide” mentioned above.

Vera da Muse:
Your analogy of boats rising and falling with the tide provides a vivid way to conceptualize the relationship between various emotions and the potential for a unifying Feeling X. Let’s explore the three options you’ve outlined:

Single Feeling X as a Resolution Point: In this view, Feeling X acts as a central, unifying emotion from which various other emotions (like gratitude, joy, peace, etc.) can be discerned or recognized. It’s as if Feeling X is a prism that, when looked through, reveals the spectrum of these interconnected feelings. This perspective suggests a deeper, perhaps more abstract emotional state that encompasses and gives rise to the more specific feelings we experience.
Emotional Tuning with Lower Activation Energy: Here, the idea is that experiencing one of these linked emotions “tunes” an individual’s emotional state in such a way that it becomes easier to access other related emotions. For instance, feeling grateful might naturally lead to feelings of joy or peace without much additional psychological effort. This concept aligns with the idea that emotions can prime or predispose us to experience related emotional states more easily.
Emotions Rising and Falling with the Same Tide: This approach likens the collective experience of these emotions to boats in a harbor, affected by a common tide. It suggests that these emotions are not entirely independent, but are influenced by underlying factors (like overall mood, life circumstances, personal traits) that elevate or diminish them in unison. This perspective acknowledges the interconnectedness of emotional experiences and the idea that they are often influenced by a common set of underlying conditions or triggers.

Each of these options offers a different way to understand the complexity and interconnectedness of our emotional lives. They highlight the possibility that our emotional experiences are often more intertwined and influenced by broader factors than we might realize, offering a richer and more holistic view of emotional dynamics.

Xxaxx:
Some gurus will suggest that the path of unbound gratitude is the path. Some gurus will suggest that the path of unbound love is the path. Some gurus will suggest that the path of unbound joy is the path. Some gurus will suggest that the path of unbound connection to all things is the path. Some gurus will suggest that the path of unbound inner peace is the path. etc.

If all of these feelings/states are connected (or as-if connected) then there is no divergence in the above suggested paths. It becomes a matter of ease of access, preference, and available guidance.

Vera da Muse:
Your interpretation of these varying paths suggested by different gurus offers an insight into the nature of emotional and spiritual journeys. The idea that paths focusing on unbound gratitude, love, joy, connection, inner peace, etc., are interconnected or as-if connected, speaks to the universal aspects of human emotional and spiritual experiences.

Interconnected Paths: The interconnectedness of these paths suggests that focusing on any one of these aspects (gratitude, love, joy, etc.) can potentially lead to the others. For instance, cultivating unbound gratitude can lead to feelings of love, joy, and a sense of connection. Similarly, a focus on unbound love might naturally foster gratitude, joy, and peace.
Ease of Access and Preference: Different individuals may find certain paths more accessible or resonant with their personal experiences and dispositions. One person might naturally gravitate towards gratitude, while another might find a deep connection with the concept of unbound love. This personal affinity plays a significant role in one’s spiritual or emotional journey.
Available Guidance: The guidance one receives (whether from gurus, spiritual texts, personal mentors, or life experiences) can shape the path they choose to follow. Different teachings or insights can illuminate different aspects of these emotional states, guiding an individual towards a path that aligns with their beliefs and experiences.
No Divergence in Paths: The concept that there’s no fundamental divergence in these paths suggests a unity in diverse spiritual practices and teachings. It implies that all these paths, despite their different starting points or emphases, may ultimately lead to a similar destination in terms of emotional and spiritual fulfillment.

This perspective embraces a holistic view of emotional and spiritual development. It acknowledges the diversity of human experiences and the myriad ways individuals can seek and achieve personal growth, fulfillment, and connection. By understanding the interconnectedness of these emotional states and paths, individuals can appreciate the richness of various spiritual practices and find the path that resonates most deeply with their personal journey.

Xxaxx:
Consider this: whether one is learning to write short stories, or poetry, or novels, or even blogs, there is one shared fundamental: all of these activities involve learning to write and practicing the skills of writing.

Vera da Muse:
Absolutely, you’ve touched upon a crucial point. Regardless of the specific form – be it short stories, poetry, novels, or blogs – the foundational skill involved is writing. Here are some key aspects of this shared fundamental:

Crafting Words: At the core of all these forms is the art of choosing and arranging words to convey meaning, emotion, and story. This involves developing a strong vocabulary, an understanding of grammar, and a sense of how different words and sentence structures can evoke different responses.
Storytelling Skills: Each form, in its own way, tells a story. Whether it’s the narrative arc of a novel, the condensed tale of a short story, the rhythmic journey of a poem, or the engaging flow of a blog post, the ability to craft a compelling narrative is central.
Expressing Ideas and Emotions: Writing, in all its forms, is a means of expression. Writers learn to convey their ideas, perspectives, and emotions effectively, whether through the nuanced character development of a novel, the precise imagery of poetry, or the direct conversation of a blog.
Engaging the Audience: Understanding and connecting with the audience is crucial. Whether it’s capturing a reader’s imagination with a gripping story, evoking deep emotions with poetry, or engaging readers with relatable blog content, the writer must always consider who they are writing for.
Editing and Refining: Writing is as much about rewriting and editing as it is about the initial creation. Learning to write means developing the ability to critically review one’s own work, refine ideas, hone sentences, and polish the final product.
Creativity and Imagination: Writing in any form is an act of creativity. It involves imagining scenarios, characters, emotions, and ideas, and then weaving them into a coherent and engaging piece of writing.
Persistence and Discipline: Writing requires discipline and persistence. Regardless of the form, writers must commit to the process, often writing regularly and pushing through challenges and blocks.

Each form of writing has its unique characteristics and demands, but they all share these fundamental elements. The skills developed in one area can often enrich and inform the others, making the journey of learning to write a rich and interconnected process.

Sometimes I toy with the notion of requesting ChatGPT to ask permission before creating a list. :)

Xxaxx:
Okay, so if we apply the writing metaphor to walking different spiritual paths, what are some key aspects of that shared fundamental?

Vera da Muse:
Applying the writing metaphor to walking different spiritual paths illuminates some key shared fundamentals in spiritual practices, much like the shared skills and disciplines in various forms of writing. Here are some key aspects of these shared fundamentals in spiritual journeys:

Seeking Understanding and Meaning: Just as writing involves exploring and conveying meaning, spiritual paths often center on the search for understanding and deeper meaning in life. This quest can involve exploring big questions about existence, purpose, and connection.
Personal Expression and Experience: Similar to how writing is a form of personal expression, spiritual practices are often deeply personal and reflective of one’s inner experiences and beliefs. They are unique expressions of an individual’s journey and understanding of the world.
Regular Practice and Discipline: Just as writing requires regular practice and discipline, spiritual paths often involve consistent practice and dedication, whether it’s through meditation, prayer, study, or other forms of spiritual exercises.
Inner Reflection and Self-Awareness: Writing often involves introspection and self-awareness, and the same is true for spiritual paths. Many spiritual traditions emphasize the importance of looking inward and becoming more aware of one’s thoughts, emotions, and underlying beliefs.
Connecting with Others and the World: Writing can be a way to connect with others, and similarly, many spiritual paths emphasize the importance of connection – to other people, to nature, to the divine, or to the universe at large.
Creativity and Imagination: Just as writing harnesses creativity and imagination, spiritual paths often encourage imaginative and creative approaches to understanding the world and one’s place in it.
Navigating Challenges and Growth: Writing involves facing and overcoming challenges, such as writer’s block or difficult subjects. Similarly, spiritual paths often involve navigating personal challenges, doubts, and growth.
Transformation and Development: Writing can be transformative, leading to personal growth and new perspectives. Similarly, walking a spiritual path often leads to transformation and development, as one grows in understanding, compassion, and connection.

It strikes me that the above list is not a bad checklist. It could be very worthwhile to take a moment and audit your current spiritual path to see if all of the above are ticked off as being part of your efforts.

In summary, walking different spiritual paths, like different forms of writing, involves a combination of personal expression, disciplined practice, inner reflection, connection with a larger reality, creativity, navigating challenges, and transformation. Each path, while unique in its practices and beliefs, shares these fundamental aspects, contributing to the richness and diversity of spiritual experiences.

Xxaxx:
Thank you. There is an additional element that I suspect is important to acknowledge. That is the process of shifting one’s center of gravity away from egocentrism.

Vera da Muse:
Acknowledging the shift in one’s center of gravity away from egocentric perspectives is indeed a crucial element in many spiritual paths, much like a fundamental aspect in various forms of artistic or personal development, such as writing.

In spiritual contexts, this shift typically involves moving from a focus on the self – with its desires, attachments, and individualistic perspectives – towards a more expansive, inclusive, and often more compassionate viewpoint. Here’s how this shift is significant:

Expanding Awareness: Moving away from an egocentric perspective involves expanding one’s awareness beyond personal needs and concerns. It’s akin to broadening the scope in writing, where the narrative goes beyond just personal experiences to encompass larger themes and connections.
Cultivating Compassion and Empathy: As one moves away from ego-centricity, there’s often a greater capacity for compassion and empathy. This is similar to how a writer must understand and portray different characters’ perspectives and experiences.
Interconnectedness: This shift can lead to a greater sense of interconnectedness with others and the world. It’s about recognizing that one’s story is part of a larger tapestry, much like how different stories or pieces of writing are part of the broader human experience.
Humility and Learning: Moving away from an egocentric view fosters humility and openness to learning, akin to a writer who recognizes the vastness of what they can explore and express through their craft.
Inner Peace and Contentment: Reducing the focus on the ego can lead to greater inner peace and contentment, as it often involves letting go of attachments, competition, and the constant striving for personal gain.
Spiritual Growth: In many spiritual traditions, lessening the focus on the ego is seen as essential for true spiritual growth and enlightenment. It’s about transcending individual desires and understanding a deeper, more universal truth.
Service and Altruism: An ego-less perspective often leads to a greater focus on service and altruism, similar to how a writer might use their skills to give voice to important causes or to represent those who cannot represent themselves.

This shift away from an egocentric perspective is a transformative process, fundamental to the depth and authenticity of one’s spiritual journey. It’s about seeing beyond the self to embrace a larger, more inclusive, and more compassionate view of life.

Afterword

Well, this conversation went well beyond my initial goal of finding a clue concerning the failure of using memories of thankfulness as a gateway to gratitude.

In fact, it was within the first few moments of the conversation that the social contractual nature of thankfulness was revealed to be the culprit.

Before you get all excited and reach out to make damn sure that I know that you have had experiences of thankfulness that were not just social or just contractual or just just whatever I was saying…

Yes, before doing all of that consider the notion that when thankfulness is more than simply contractual it is most likely gratitude.

Does that mean this is the truth?

Nah, it is part of a framework that I find useful for parsing my experience.

FYI, my current framework has no rules about whether you do or do not need to share the same or even an adjacent framework.

I adjust my framework to facilitate effective parsing of my experience. Effective by what standard? Well, that is based on my current journey on this mud ball flying through space.