Gateway and Tipping Point Actions

For the most part, wherever you are, you were somewhere else before that. And, you can bet that sooner or later you will be somewhere other than were you are now.

In order to get the beginnings of a handle on gateway and tipping-point actions let’s use the following example: While making your way through an otherwise ordinary day you suddenly find yourself sitting on the couch with spoon in one hand and an empty container of Ben & Jerry’s in the other.

Surprise!

In spite of the fact that these types of moments might seem to sneak up on us, they don’t actually ambush us the way it seems.

Before the empty container of Ben & Jerry’s there was a moment when you opened the freeze door and pulled the ice cream from the freezer.

Before the opening of the freeze there was a moment when you walked to the fridge.

Before the walking to the fridge, there was a moment when you entered the kitchen.

Some of the moments leading up to the B&J incident are just plain ol’ moments and some of those moments are gateway moments — and at least one of those moments was a tipping-point.

The gateway moments are forks in the road. Walking through the kitchen door is a gateway. Walking through the door could lead toward the sink to do the dishes, it could be a trip to the recycling bin, it could even be a run to the kitchen phone. However, it was definitely not grabbing the car keys and going to town, it was not heading to the backyard to play with the dog, it was not many different things.

Remember “suddenly finding yourself sitting on the couch with spoon in one hand and an empty container of Ben & Jerry’s in the other.”

To get to this moment you passed through many different gateway moments. Each of those gateway moments were opportunities to see what was possibly coming and make a different choice.  However, somewhere along the line there was a moment when the roller coaster reached the peak of the hill and started down the ride. After this moment it was all over. All that was left was the doing it and then wondering how in the hell did I end up on the couch with spoon and empty container again. That was a tipping-point moment.

For you the “couch and spoon” may be replaced by something such as:

• Finding yourself in yet another bad relationship.
• “Damn, I told myself I would lend that idiot anything again.”
• “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”
• Another unwanted cigarette.
• Having yet another fight with your sister.

Whatever your “surprise, surprise you did it again” episode is, there were several gateway moments and a tipping-point along the way.

How to catch yourself

In order to catch yourself you need at least two things: 1) you need to know you are about to fall, 2) you need the wherewithal to catch yourself.

If you are finding yourself lying about in the aftermath of yet another intention gone awry the following is most likely what’s happening:

1. Before you get to the tipping-point you don’t consider yourself as about to fall.
2. After you have gone through the tipping-point you don’t consider that you have the wherewithal to catch yourself.

If you want to stop, you need to put the brakes on before they fail. You need to stop earlier in the process. When you see that tipping-point coming you need to take action — serious action. Don’t allow yourself to delude yourself.

Pay attention to what is happening. Notice the tipping-point. If you can only see the tipping-point in hindsight, then so be it. Collect the data for next time. But respect your hard won data. If you are truly wishing to avoid smoking (for example) you must take action before the ciggie is between the lips and the match is lit. Somewhere before that moment was a moment when you had the wherewithal to catch yourself. Problem is, you did not appreciate the fact that you were at the point of falling. Maybe you were not actually lighting the ciggie. But, you were about to go one step too far into the region called: “too late now, might as well have a ciggie.”

Find the gateway moments. Respect them for what they are.

Notice the tipping-point moment and make your last stand before that moment.

In a Hollywood action/thriller/horror film the time to make a desperate attempt at escape is before you are handcuffed and thrown into a deep pit by a deranged killer. Do you really think your chances of escape get improve if you get into the car and drive away from the public shopping mall parking lot into the privacy of an isolated forest.

In the movie when the bad guy says: “I’ve got a gun; don’t make a scene, get into the car and drive” that is the least suckie moment to attempt escape. Can’t really call it the “best moment” because there is nothing best or good about finding yourself in that situation. But, your chances don’t get better in the spooky woods. So whatever desperate, last minute, make it or break it, hysterical, do it or die actions you are going to try — do it before you cross the tipping-point.